Friday, June 6, 2008

Headlines from the year 2029

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia (formerly known as California). White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.

Spotted Owl plague threatens Northwestern United States crops and livestock.

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica.

Castro finally dies at age 112. Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesday's only.

Florida voters continue to have trouble with voting machines.

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters, and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036

85-year, $75 billion study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight loss. Average weight of Americans drops to 250 pounds.

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